The Manners Doctor, aka Camilla Randall, author of "Good Manners for Bad Times" and "Rx for the Modern Wedding", has agreed to visit this blog once a month to answer some of our questions about contemporary etiquette.
Dear Manners Doctor,
In the era of COVID-19, we are not supposed to shake hands
when we meet someone. And obviously, we can’t hug.
When I greet people now, some stick out their elbows,
looking like they’re doing some kind of silly chicken dance; some want to
fist-bump like tough guys; and others perform a strange kicking ritual.
What do you think is the politest way to greet people in our
post-handshake world?
Want to be Friendly, but Don’t Want the Plague
Dear Want to be Friendly,
The Manners Doctor feels your pain. She does indeed feel
like some species of less-than-graceful poultry when she tries to stick out an
elbow to bump another.
And she is not terribly fond of making a belligerent-looking fist when greeting a business associate, or kicking her friends and colleagues in the shins.
It is important to be aware why the handshake became a
method of greeting. In ancient Greece, men clasped hands upon meeting to show their hands held no weapons.
The ancient Romans' handshake was more like those unpleasant arm-grabs some men use to show dominance. This forearm grabbing was a way to make sure neither one had a dagger up the sleeve of his tunic.
The actual shaking of hands began in Europe in the Dark Ages, when it is said knights would shake the hand of the other to shake loose any hidden weaponry.
The ancient Romans' handshake was more like those unpleasant arm-grabs some men use to show dominance. This forearm grabbing was a way to make sure neither one had a dagger up the sleeve of his tunic.
The actual shaking of hands began in Europe in the Dark Ages, when it is said knights would shake the hand of the other to shake loose any hidden weaponry.
So a handshake originally meant, “I don't trust you any farther than I can throw you.”
Perhaps we should take this occasion to permanently adopt a more
civilized form of greeting.
The Manners Doctor thinks we should follow the custom of the
Japanese, who discovered long before the rest of us that when you are sequestered
in a small place—whether a house or an island—it’s always best for everyone to
follow proper etiquette to avoid annoying each other.
Or if one is annoyed, one learns to keep quiet about it.
The bow is the Manners Doctor’s preferred form of
greeting in these contagious times. It allows for a full six feet of social distancing, and shows good manners.
A pressing together of the palms in the
“Namaste” gesture of South Asia while bowing is also an excellent, polite
greeting, although the “Namaste” gesture may not be for everyone, since some feel it has religious connotations.
However, a bow is a simple way of saying, “I do not think
myself above you.”
Isn’t that a bit friendlier than, “Let me check to see if you have any weapons.”?
So the Manners Doctor suggests we all adopt the
It is an excellent way of avoiding the exchange of germs and
viruses, and in her opinion is much superior to impersonating an unwell chicken.
Very Truly Yours,
The Manners Doctor
What about you? What form of handshake substitute are you using? Do you think we should substitute a bow for a handshake permanently?
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