When Real People Wander into a Novel...

I don't advise writers to put their friends and relatives in their fiction, and I certainly never set out to do so myself. In fact, I often try to write about the kind of people I don't know very well to try to figure out what makes them tick.

That's what I did with Camilla. I read a newspaper article about a debutante who seemed shallow and unsympathetic, but I knew there had to be more to her than the reporter was letting on, so I wrote a kind of "rebuttal" to his interview and what appeared on the page was Camilla Randall--naive, over-polite, and over-privileged, but a person who always wants to do what's right. I talk about this in my post "Why Camilla Randall?"

Clara Peller

Sometimes I try to write about a character who turns into somebody quite different. This happened with Violet Rushforth, who's a major character in The Best Revenge. I gave her the name of my former landlady in San Luis Obispo, Violet Goforth, who was a tough old bird who raised little yappy dogs. Pekineses, as I remember. She asked me to move out when she wanted to move her boyfriend into the little "granny unit" house where I lived behind her big old Victorian. I hadn't intended to make the character anything like Mrs. Goforth. I just liked the name.

I imagined her looking like Clara Peller, the actress in the famous "Where's the Beef" ad from the 1980s.

But Violet Rushforth took on a life of her own as soon as she walked into the story. It was only after the first couple of scenes that I realized she had become my mother's "Cousin Jean" Birch--actually my grandmother's first cousin. Jean was girlishly charming, garrulous, and fierce as a mother bear. A force of nature.

Jean sent every child in the family a card on our birthdays and Christmas. She never missed. Even when she was well into her eighties. She had lots of crazy ideas, but nobody could argue with her. She'd just talk right over your objections until you realized it was best to just relax and enjoy the ride.

The Hotel del Coronado, where the fictional Violet has her 85th birthday party

Cousin Jean could make friends with anybody. She was obsessed with genealogy and once met a woman on a plane and within minutes had discovered they were distant relatives.  When the woman died, she left Jean a substantial legacy.

Because Jean was living in a Medicaid assisted living facility at the time, she couldn't keep the money. So she gave herself the world's biggest birthday party for her 85th birthday. She rented the posh Montecito Country Club in Santa Barbara, and paid to fly in relatives from all over the world. It's the only time I ever got to meet most of the relatives from that part of the family. So Violet Rushforth's unlikely 85th birthday party at the Hotel del Coronado in San Diego became the scene of the climax of The Best Revenge. Violet appears to be completely dotty when Camilla meets her, but she's crazy like a fox, and turns out to be smarter than anybody realized.

At the same time, Camilla discovers that she herself is smarter and tougher than anybody realized, and she gets a lot of her confidence-boosting from Violet, whose unwavering optimism keeps Camilla going, even when she's in jail accused of murder.

Cousin Jean died long before I published The Best Revenge, but I'm pretty sure she would have enjoyed it. She might have recognized herself, but she was a good sport and I think she would have liked to know she was the inspiration for such a heroic and lovable character.

Have you ever written a story where a real person walked into your fictional world? Have you read any books where you suspect the characters are based on real people? 

The Best Revenge is available at all the Amazons, Smashwords, Kobo, Google Play, Apple, and NOOK.

SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM  is now in paperback! The paper version is available at Amazon, Amazon UK , and Barnes and Noble

And in honor of its hard copy debut, the ebook is only 99c until the end of February. The ebook is on sale at all the Amazons. 

It's also available at Kobo, Nook Smashwords, iTunes, Inkterra, Google Play, and Scribd.

This comic novel—which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare never wrote—explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls. It's a laugh-out-loud mashup of romantic comedy, crime fiction, and satire: Dorothy Parker meets Dorothy L. Sayers.

So Much for Buckingham Now in Paperback, and the Ebook is on Sale!

SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM  is now in paperback! The paper version is available at Amazon, Amazon UK , and Barnes and Noble

And in honor of its hard copy debut, the ebook is only 99c for one week! The ebook is on sale at all the Amazons. 

It's also available at Kobo, Nook Smashwords, iTunes, Inkterra, Google Play, and Scribd.

This comic novel—which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare never wrote—explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls. It's a laugh-out-loud mashup of romantic comedy, crime fiction, and satire: Dorothy Parker meets Dorothy L. Sayers.

Favorite Characters: Vera Winchester

One of my favorite characters in the Camilla books is Vera Winchester, the office manager at Sherwood, Ltd. She's an important character in both Sherwood Ltd and So Much for Buckingham. 

She's very kind and adores animals. Her excellent business sense—and ability to ignore unpleasant details—keeps the unorthodox company running in spite of the sometimes-criminal antics of the owners.

I imagine her looking a bit like Elizabeth, Hyacinth Bucket's long-suffering neighbor in Keeping up Appearances, played by Josephine Tewson.

Vera usually wears a serviceable navy blue pantsuit and her hair is cut in a "no-nonsense gray bob."

The character was inspired by the real-life office manager at the UK publishing company that published my first two books. The real Vera, whose name was Pat, was actually younger than me—and not quite so long-suffering. She had a sharp wit and wasn't as lacking in self-awareness as Vera.

Pat became a close friend when I lived in England. She often invited me to her lovely house for Sunday dinner and let me take baths in her luxurious tub. My digs only had a dribbly shower in an unheated bathroom shared with five or six men. (I did say my experiences there were an adventure.)

Pat and I always exchanged long letters at Christmastime. I loved getting the news from Gainsborough and hearing about the dramas as the company fizzled after the mysterious disappearance of the co-owner. Pat was sure that the real life "Peter Sherwood" had staged his death in order to evade creditors and she thought he might be somewhere in France.

But two Christmases ago, no card arrived, and I had a bad feeling. I Googled her name in the local Gainsborough paper and was devastated when I found her obituary. All I could find out was that she had died "after a short illness."  It was a real blow to me. I had always planned to go back and visit her someday. She and her family had been so welcoming and there was something timelessly English about their home and way of life. Pat was an avid gardener and voracious reader. She took the "pervy books" side of the publishing company in stride and glossed over it most of the time, although she could make some hilarious jokes about them.

But in a way my friend lives on in Vera Winchester. Vera is as fiercely loyal to Peter Sherwood as Pat was to her real life bosses.

I brought Vera back in So Much for Buckingham. She is the one who finally helps Plantagenet when he is stuck in the "custody suite" in the Swynsby Constabulary jail accused of murdering a historical reenactor. In the awful, windowless cell, poor Plant has been hallucinating visitations by the ghost of Richard III and has only a tenuous hold on his sanity.

Here's what happens when Vera finally appears in So Much for Buckingham:

"A uniformed officer appeared.

"You have a guest, Mr. Smith," he said. "A lady."

Good god. He hoped it wasn't Queen Elizabeth I or any other dead royal personage.

"Am I in the right place?" A high pitched voice came from the corridor outside. "Is this where you have Mr. Plantagenet Smith? You must let him go. He's a famous Hollywood film writer. From America."

A sweet-faced woman in her fifties fluttered into the room. She wore a flowered dress and a large, swooping sort of hat over a no-nonsense gray bob.

"Mr. Plantagenet Smith?" she said. "I'm Vera Winchester. Office manager at Sherwood publishing." She extended a hand. "I'm afraid I was on my way to my son's wedding rehearsal dinner, which is why the hat…" She patted her dramatic head gear. "He's getting married tomorrow. Our Callum. To his girl Bryony. Nice young woman, if a bit flighty. Her brother's not right in the head, unfortunately, but luckily it's not hereditary. She's in the family way, but of course they all are these days, aren't they? Cart before the horse. It's all been rush-rush-rush since we found out. They've had to throw together the wedding and tonight's rehearsal dinner is in the back room at our local. We had no time to do anything posh."

Plant clutched Vera's hand, not wanting to let go. He shook it again, hoping against hope that she was real.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to see you," he said. "So Camilla somehow got in touch with you? Is she all right?"

"I haven't the foggiest," Vera said. "I haven't heard a peep from Camilla, and we've been that worried about her because of all those nasty reviews. But I suppose she doesn't have my home email address."

Maybe Camilla hadn't been overreacting to those reviews. Vera looked genuinely stricken.

She went on. "It's Henry Weems who sent me here. He's my boss at Sherwood Ltd. He's sent the money for bail, but apparently they don't need it yet. They're supposed to release you to my custody, he tells me. Although if you really were a murderer and wanted to escape, I can't imagine how I'd stop you, but…do you think I might have my hand back now?"

Plant realized he'd been hanging onto the poor woman's hand.

"You mean I can leave?" He needed to compose himself. "I'm free on bail?"

"No bail set, because you haven't been charged. You're still a person of interest. But you're free to roam the confines of Swynsby-on-Trent," she said. "Which means you may come to Callum's rehearsal dinner…I do hope you like roast beef. We're serving a roast, with Yorkshire pud, of course. Fresh peas and carrots from our community garden. And a nice cream cake for afters."

"That sounds like the food of the gods to me, Mrs. Winchester." Plant felt himself salivate. He didn't know exactly how long he'd been in here living on mystery meat sandwiches, but he knew that any real food would be a taste of heaven right now.

A different officer arrived and escorted them down the hall to the reception area where Plant had first come in—how many days ago? It could have been years.

Vera kept up her chatter as they walked.

"Bryony is watching her figure, and didn't want us to order a cream cake, but it's Callum's favorite. Bryony doesn't want her baby bump to show in her gown tomorrow, but of course it will. It's not as if everybody doesn't know already. The truth has a way of getting out, doesn't it?"

"The truth?" Plant stared at his unlikely rescuer as the custody sergeant sorted through some papers. 

"Oh, I certainly hope the truth will come out, Mrs. Winchester. I deeply hope so." He turned to the sergeant. "When do I get my things? l have to change out of this, um, uniform or whatever it is."

"Not until the case is closed," the sergeant said.

"I'm supposed to walk out of here naked?"

"Oh, I forgot," Vera said. "I must run out to the car. They told me to bring you something to wear. So I brought you one of my George's old suits, since we're going directly to the rehearsal dinner. But you're quite a bit trimmer than George. I've also brought a shirt and shoes and some smalls. I do hope they fit."

Vera ran outside as Plant signed many pieces of paper and the sergeant informed him in a stiff voice that he must not leave the area, and must check into the station daily while the case was still pending or he would not receive his passport.

"And what is the Sywnsby address where you'll be staying?" he asked. "We can only allow you to go if you have a local address."

Plant tried to remember where Brenda said Vera lived. "Rope…Rope Road," he stammered.

Luckily Vera reappeared, carrying a garment bag.

"1187 Ropery Road," she said. "Mr. Smith will be in my custody. Me and my husband, George Winchester. I think you know George from down the pub, don't you Sergeant?"

The sergeant gave a small smile. 

This is excerpted from So Much for Buckingham, which is #5 in the Camilla Randall Mysteries, but can be read as a stand-alone.

Do you have favorite minor characters in books? Do you wonder if they're inspired by the author's real friends? Who are some of your favorite minor characters? If you want to know more about using real people in your fiction, check out my piece at Artist Unleashed this week.

What's Your Favorite Word?

Do you have a favorite word? I'd never thought about it until I got these interview questions from Alex South.

I think my favorite word right now is one my ex-husband made up: "Ensnotified". It's what a really rotten cold does to you. I've been fighting ensnotification for over a week now. Snuffle. Snort.

But here's another interview from the archives. This one is from when I visited British horror author Alex South's blog, Seven Stories High in February of 2013

Alex: What got you into writing?

Anne: I can't remember when I didn't write. I used to make up stories to go with the pictures in my coloring books and write words underneath them. Must be in my genes. My parents were both academics who spent lots of time writing. And my mom is a mystery writer, too.

Alex: How do you go about creating a character?

Anne: I'm not sure I'd say I "create" characters. I set up a situation and watch them as they respond to it. They usually seem to come to me fully formed. In my comic thriller, FOOD OF LOVE, I needed a hairdresser for what I thought would be a minor scene. In walked this amazing, six-foot, bald, lesbian Iraq war veteran and she took over the story.

Alex: Writing can be tough. What do you do to stay motivated?

Anne: I started writing seriously later in life, and it was something I always wanted to do. So I was pretty motivated, and that hasn't let up. I don't want to die before I write the stories stacked up in my head.

Alex: When do you get your best ideas?

Anne: When I'm walking. Any time I don't know what happens next, I take a walk down by the bay and the idea comes to me. I'm lucky to live by the beach in California, where walking can be very solitary and inspiring.

Alex: What is your biggest fear/worry when you write?

Anne: It's funny. I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, but when I’m writing is one of the times when I have the least anxiety. If I have one fear it’s that I won't reach the readers who will enjoy my work the most.

Alex: What would you like to be better at?

Anne: Driving. I hate to drive. Other drivers terrify me. I don't trust them at all.

Alex: What is your favourite word & why?

Anne: I've never thought about having a favorite. I love them all. Total wordophile. The first one that springs to mind is "luxuriate". Isn’t that a lovely word?

Alex: Outside of writing, what are your other interests?

Anne: I was in the theater—acting and directing for 25 years. And I appeared in some films. I still love acting, but I live in the country now, and I hate the long night driving to get to rehearsals. I also love music, especially roots and world music. I'm lucky to find that closer to home.

Alex: Who is your favourite author and why?

Anne: This is always a tough one for me, because I have so many. I adore Marian Keyes, who I think is one of the most underrated authors around. She gets dismissed as a "chick lit" author, but I think she's the Jane Austen of our era. She's a brilliant observer of human behavior. I'm also a huge fan of Kurt Vonnegut. I think I've read everything he ever wrote. Love his dark humor and brilliant, cryptic prose.

Alex: Give us a sentence or passage from your book that you’re especially proud of and explain why.

Anne: Here are a few that reviewers have mentioned they liked:

From THE GATSBY GAME:

"Punch had the kind of pansexual magnetism that comes from good bone structure and an unquestioning sense of one’s own self-worth."

THE GATSBY GAME is available in ebook at all the Amazons, and Barnes and Noble for NOOK. It's also available at Scribd. It's also available in paper on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble

From FOOD OF LOVE:

"Amaretto isn't chocolate, but if close your eyes and think of chocolate-

covered cherries, it can be quite satisfying. Especially by the tumblerful"

"Hollywood celebrity isn’t the celebrity of power. It’s the celebrity of the victim—the virgin about to be tossed into the volcano; the garlanded lamb being led to the altar of a blood-hungry, primitive god."

FOOD OF LOVE is available in ebook on all the Amazons, Smashwords, Kobo, iTunes, Scribd, Barnes and Noble & Page Foundry (Inktera).  Also available in audiobook at Audible and iTunes

Thanks, Alex! 

What about you, readers? Do you have a favorite word? 

Alex South writes zombie thrillers. His first in the series, SWARM is FREE on Amazon

"Full to the brim with great characters, and heart-stopping action. I cannot recommend it enough!" Ian Douglas – Author of The Infinity Trap.

What Was Your First "Grown-Up" Book? Anne R. Allen talks with Carmen Amato

I've given many interviews in the past five years, and they're over the 'Net. I'm sure most of my readers haven't seen them. So I'm going to be posting some here on the new blog. This one is from November 14, 2013. 

Carmen Amato

My interviewer is international mystery author Carmen Amato, who writes the Emilia Cruz mysteries set in Acapulco. Check them out! She asked some great questions. 

Carmen Amato: What was the first book you read that marked the transition from reading kids’ books to grown-up fare?

Anne R. Allen: I remember when I was in fifth grade I picked up a new book my dad left on the coffee table. (He was a professor of Classics at Yale.)

It was a thin volume and had pictures and lots of white space, so it looked like books I was used to. I sat down and read it cover to cover. One of the most exciting stories I'd ever read. When my dad saw I'd read it, he freaked. "That's not for children!" he said. "Did it upset you?" I said it didn't but I thought the hero was pretty much of a creep.

The book was a new translation of Euripides' Medea. Kids aren't as shocked by bad behavior in adults as we think they will be.

CA: You are shipwrecked with a crate labeled “Books.” What 3 books do you hope are in it?

ARA: That's hard because I have so many favorites. But maybe I'd rather find something I haven't read: some of those long, dense ones I've never had time to read, like Spenser's Faerie Queen, Don DeLillo's Underworld, or War and Peace.

CA: What book would you give as a housewarming gift and why?

ARA: Maybe the New Yorker Book of Cat Cartoons. The best kind of book to keep on the coffee table to keep guests occupied while you're hostessing. And most people find cats funny. I don't know exactly why that is, but nothing gets my Facebook page active like a Grumpy Cat picture

CA: You can invite any author, living or dead, to dinner at your home. What are you serving and what will the conversation be about?

ARA: Dorothy Parker, and the conversation could be about anything she wants. LOL. I'd just sit back and take notes. I'd probably serve martinis.

CA: Can you leave us with a quote, a place, or a concept from a book that inspired you?

ARA: Probably one of the most inspiring books, quotes & concepts ever is Pay it Forward. The book is so much more inspiring than the movie and I am blessed to call the author, Catherine Ryan Hyde, a close friend. She has inspired me—and the entire world—in so many ways.

CA: Tell us about yourself in 3 sentences or less.

ARA: I'm a novelist, blogger and actress who believes that laughter is the best medicine. The biggest compliment I ever got was from an old Borscht Belt comic who came backstage after seeing me in Auntie Mame and said, "I didn't see you act funny once in that whole performance" (pause) "you don't act funny—you THINK funny—the secret to great comedy." I feel so blessed to be able to write funny books and have people buy them!

What was your first "grown-up" book? What about desert island books? 

And in case you're planning a shipwreck, here are three hilarious ebooks to take to your desert island or wherever you want, and they are only 99c for all three. This sale is at Amazon only and ends on February 14th.

THE FIRST THREE CAMILLA RANDALL MYSTERIES: 

Ghostwriters in the Sky, Sherwood, Ltd. and The Best Revenge in one convenient box set. for only 99c for ALL THREE (until February 14th, 2016)

Downwardly mobile former socialite Camilla Randall (aka The Manners Doctor) is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but she always solves the case in her loopy, but oh-so-polite way.

The Camilla Randall Mysteries Box set is 99c (or the equivalent) for one week at all the Amazons,

Also available at Kobo, iTunes, Smashwords, Google Play, Inktera, NOOK, and Scribd. 

Ghostwriters In The Sky: When a young writer is found dead in her gay best friend's bed at a writer's conference in California wine country, Camilla must enlist the help of a cross-dressing dominatrix to clear Plant's name. Unfortunately, she suspects the hot LA cop who has stolen her heart may be the murderer.

In Sherwood Ltd. a homeless Camilla lands in Robin Hood country, where some not-so-merry men may be trying to kill her, and of course Camilla once again ends up in the most improbable, but always believable, circumstances.

The Best Revenge is a prequel to the series, and takes us back to Camilla Randall's teen years, when she first meets Plantagenet Smith—and is accused of murder herself!

Can Mr. Wrong Become Mr. Right? Choose your Favorite of Camilla's Unsuitable Suitors

The Camilla Mysteries feature perennially down-and-out former socialite Camilla Randall. I love writing about Camilla because she's so different from me. She’s an ultra-polite New York fashionista who’s a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong. (More about the real-life debutante who inspired her in my post "Why Camilla Randall?")

Me, I'm an old hippie who tends to use more four-letter words than I should. I live in a blue-collar small town on the coast of California. I'm partial to Crocs, sweatshirts, and stretchy jeans. My life is peacefully boring.

Camilla and I have one thing in common, though: we both make bad choices when it comes to romance. I won't say that the men in my life haven't taken me on excellent adventures, but I discovered some time ago that I'm happier living solo.

Camilla, on the other hand, is still looking for love in all the wrong places.

In the prequel to the series, The Best Revenge, we see Camilla as a teenaged New York debutante. While she's being interviewed in a trendy restaurant by the condescending reporter Jonathan Kahn, she sees her current boyfriend—a "Eurotrash" prince—with another woman, supermodel Regina (a cameo by the heroine of my comic thriller Food of Love.)

Camilla quickly gets over Prince Aldo, and proceeds to fall in love with the arrogant, but oh-so-sexy Jonathan Kahn.

But in Ghostwriters in the Sky, she's in the middle of a messy divorce from Jonathan and meets the charming L.A.P.D. captain, Maverick Jesus Zukowski, and they seem to be headed toward a happy ending.

But by the beginning of Sherwood, Ltd, Camilla's long-distance romance with Captain Zukowski has fizzled and Camilla falls for Peter Sherwood, the enigmatic, Robin-Hood-like figure who runs her UK publishing company. But she has to deal with the small problem that he may be trying to kill her.

In No Place Like Home, Camilla meets her most unlikely suitor, Mr. X, a.k.a. Ronzo (Ronson V. Zolek.) He's charming and brave, but he's a New Jersey boy and she's now living in California. 

Jonathan might look like '80s Jeff Goldblum

In So Much for Buckingham, Camilla reunites with two of her former suitors. (I'm not telling which ones: spoilers.)

I haven't decided who she will end up with in book #6, which has the working title The Queen of Staves. Maybe she'll have a whole new love interest.

Readers, if you have a favorite among Camilla's suitors, I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Vote for the one you'd like to see more of! 

Jonathan Kahn—This is how Camilla describes Jonathan at their first meeting:  "He had a profile special-ordered from Mount Olympus, a tanned, muscular body, and quantities of unruly black hair that a stylist would die to tame."

Or maybe Jon Hamm? 

Jonathan was a dedicated newspaper reporter, but he fell from grace when his success as a Geraldo-Rivera-style TV muckraker went to his head. And, um, other parts. He got caught up in a hooker scandal, and established a serious relationship with Jack Daniels. His relationship with Marva, aka Mistress Nightshade almost got a lot of people killed.Last heard from, he was drinking his way through the dive bars of Southeast Asia. 


But what if he got sober? Could he and Camilla finally reconcile? He says he still loves her.

Jimmy Smits could play Rick

Captain Maverick Jesus "Rick" Zukowski—Rick is a tall, Mexican-Polish L.A. policeman. He also writes novels (not very good ones.) He has overcome a difficult childhood and a street-gang past. He never quite recovered from the death of his wife and has some anger management issues. 

On the other hand, he's honorable and kind, with a great sense of humor, a "scrumptious smile" and "warm brown eyes." Camilla says "He had a brotherly/boy next door manner that made me feel safe."

Rick and Camilla couldn't keep up a bi-coastal relationship, and eventually he leaves her for "a sweet vice detective named Lola". 

But what if it never worked out with Lola? Could Rick and Camilla click again, now that she lives in California, too?

Peter might look like Peter O'Toole

Peter Sherwood—Peter is a charming Englishman with a murky past and a less-than-reliable moral compass. He's wiry and "good-looking, in an unkempt, What-Not-To-Wear sort of way: Oxford don meets Pirate of the Caribbean." 

It's rumored he won his publishing company in a poker game. Some people think he has an aristocratic background, but it's more likely he grew up poor in the English Midlands. 

The staff at Sherwood, Ltd. are loyal to him, but they're also aware of his faults. He has a habit of disappearing for months—or years—at a time. 

But he saves Camilla's life more than once, and protects her when everything around her is chaos. Did he really die when his yacht went down off Jamaica? 

Ronzo's a Jersey Boy like Jon Bon Jovi

Ronson V. Zolek a.k.a. Ronzo—Ronzo's Croatian immigrant parents died when he was young. He was raised in a Newark slum by his grandmother. He's a jack of all trades and full of contradictions. 

He's a music blogger for Rolling Stone who also works as a detective for a law firm. He has a Tony Soprano accent, but his manners are impeccable. He's an easy-going rock and roll guy and also an Iraq War veteran. 

He seems to have a lot of compassion for the homeless and loves small animals...or does he? He's famous for his butt tattoo of a Stratocaster guitar. Camilla finds him irresistible, and thinks he looks like Jon Bon Jovi. But is he a good guy or a bad guy? 

People tell Plant he looks like Leslie Howard

Plantagenet Smith—Through all the stories, Camilla's one constant is her best friend, the bisexual playwright, Plant Smith. Early in their friendship, they have a romantic relationship, but it doesn't last long. 

Plant was an orphan raised in poverty, but he earned a scholarship to Princeton and re-invented himself as a blue-blood by changing his name from John Smith and befriending Camilla's wealthy debutante set. He becomes an Oscar-winning screenwriter, but he seems to be as unlucky in love as Camilla, until he meets California businessman Silas Ryder. They marry, in a big wedding planned by Camilla, but the relationship is rocky.

In So Much for Buckingham, Plant finally gets his own voice and tells the story himself in chapters that alternate with Camilla's narration. He also gets accused of murder when he discovers the body of a young historical reenactor playing the Duke of Buckingham in the Old Hall at "Swynsby-on-Trent".

So readers, which one of Camilla's unsuitable suitors do you like best? Do you want to see any of them reappear? What kind of man do you think Camilla could find happiness with? 

News: I'm currently recording the audiobook of So Much for Buckingham with narrator C.S. Perryess reading Plantagenet Smith's chapters.

THE BEST REVENGE: The prequel (Camilla Mystery #3)

When Camilla Randall, a 1980s New York debutante, is assaulted by her mother’s fiancé, smeared in the newspapers by a sexy muckraking journalist, then loses all her money in the Savings and Loan Scandal, she seeks refuge with her gay best friend in California. But her friend has developed heterosexual tendencies and an inconvenient girlfriend, so Camilla has to move in with wild-partying friends. When a TV star ends up dead after one of their parties, Camilla is arrested for his murder. She must turn to a friendly sanitation worker, a dotty octogenarian neighbor and the muckraking journalist who ridiculed her--who also happens to be her boss. 

The Best Revenge is 99c until February 1st at all the Amazons. It's also available at Smashwords, Kobo, Google Play,  Apple, NOOK, and  Page Foundry (Inktera)

"…while laugh-out-loud funny, [The Best Revenge] carries a message about how we view ourselves and how others' views of us may conflict, yet make us grow."...composer Richard Alan Corson

Bag Lady Fears: How I Faced Mine by Writing "No Place Like Home"

No Place Like Home is #4 in the Camilla Randall Mystery series, but it actually started out as a stand-alone novel, without Camilla's comic presence. 

I started writing the story before my big success with the first three Camilla comedies. The Martha Stewart-like Doria Windsor was the protagonist. She materialized in my consciousness as a result of what some people call "Bag Lady Fear Syndrome."

According to MSN financial columnist Jay McDonald, "Bag lady syndrome is a fear many women share that their financial security could disappear in a heartbeat, leaving them homeless, penniless and destitute."

The Washington Times reported, "90 percent of women say they feel financially insecure…and almost half are troubled by a 'tremendous fear of becoming a bag lady'."

Bag-lady syndrome can be paralyzing, according to Olivia Mellan, a Washington, D.C. therapist who specializes in money psychology.

She says "Lily Tomlin, Gloria Steinem, Shirley MacLaine and Katie Couric all admit to having a bag lady in their anxiety closet."

"It cuts across women of all social groups; it's not like wealthy women don't have it," says Mellan. "Heiresses, women who have inherited wealth, have bag-lady nightmares because they really feel like the money came to them magically and can leave them just as magically."

I imagined Hobo Joe's campsite looking like this.

When you quit your day job to write full time—especially if you're single—those fears can escalate to nightmares, anxiety attacks and debilitating self-doubt.

For me, they hit a crescendo when my first publisher went out of business and I had to go back to square one, writing query letters to agents and editors again like a newbie. 

My magazine writing gigs had dried up, too: either the journals had gone under or were no longer paying. I'd been out of the workforce for years and the world was in the middle of a recession. My savings were dwindling fast. I feared I'd made all the wrong financial choices and I'd soon be living out of my car...or worse. 

I modeled Camilla's bookstore on Coalesce in Morro Bay

I started having a recurring nightmare about living in a rusted, wheel-less truck in some kind of dump full of rats. My skin was crawling with insects. Sometimes parts of my body would fall off. I'd wake up screaming.

One morning I woke from one of those horrific dreams to an interview on NPR's Morning Edition. (Yes, I have Public Radio on my clock radio: I guess that qualifies me as a super-nerd.)  They were talking to a successful Manhattan magazine editor who had lost her life savings to Bernie Madoff. 

Look: it can happen to anybody, I told myself—even people with a ton of savings who have done everything right.

I got up and read my local morning paper, which was full of letters to the editor complaining about how homeless camps and panhandling were ruining our town's idyllic image as "the happiest town in America."

I realized that magazine editor I'd heard on NPR could be one of those scruffy people standing outside the San Luis Obispo Mission with a cardboard sign. She could be one of those despised people living in the "filthy" camps. 

The intrepid homeless crew find the bad guys here at Big Sur

So I took a day off querying and jotted down an outline of a story about a magazine editor who lost everything and ended up in a homeless camp in San Luis Obispo. She was not only conned by a Bernie Madoff type, but married to him, so in addition to losing everything, she was accused of being complicit in his crimes. (Writers can be so mean.)

But it was cathartic. Picturing somebody like Martha Stewart living in a tent and cooking over a Sterno stove, worrying about where to go for showers and basic bodily functions—not knowing which homeless people she could trust—helped me to walk myself through my own "bag lady" fears.

Thinking the "unthinkable" sometimes helps us to cope with our anxieties. If we can visualize ourselves in a terrifying situation that has a positive outcome, it can help us overcome the terror.

As the Anxiety Doc says "When it comes to treating anxiety, panic attacks and phobias, creative visualization techniques have proven very therapeutic for sufferers. In order for the visualization to be completely effective, the person must involve all their senses in the process. They need to see themselves performing the behavior, hear the sounds associated with it and feel any tactile sensations. In some cases, even the senses of taste and smell will be involved."

Hobo Joe and the Boll Weevils played here at the Red Barn

And of course, that's exactly what a writer does. So when I visualized Doria Windsor in that homeless camp, I pictured her surviving each of my own fears: the lack of hygiene, the stink, the cold, hunger, loss of dignity, etc.

And if she could do it, so could I.

To give the homeless people in the camp personalities and backstories, I talked to the homeless people who panhandle in front of some of my favorite stores in Morro Bay. One woman was remarkably plucky and full of humor.  She became the model for my character of Lucky.

I decided not to make my homeless characters objects of pity, but strong-minded survivors who help solve the mystery of a homeless man's murder. In a way, they're the real heroes of my story. Hobo Joe is a musician who puts together a band of homeless musicians called the Boll Weevils. They play at the Red Barn in Los Osos.

Not long after I started the book, I got an offer from the editor of an independent press to publish my backlist. Then another offered to look at the new stuff.  Between September 2011 and December 2012, I published seven books. Two of the Camilla mysteries made the bestseller lists, and my editor wanted another Camilla book ASAP.

I was still working on the Doria story, but I realized that Camilla is usually on the brink of homelessness herself and she and Doria might even be friends I had left Camilla at the end of Sherwood Ltd working in a bookstore, not the most lucrative of businesses in the age of ebooks.

So I wove Camilla into the story and added a mysterious murder and of course, some romance for my always unlucky-in-love sleuth. I gave Doria a boyfriend too.

Turning the story into a romantic comedy-mystery lightened it up considerably and helped turn a lot of my fears into laughs.

Things are looking up. I think making my characters face the "unthinkable" helped me to think it through for myself. I hope it helps my readers, too.

What about you? Do you have fears of becoming homeless? Do you know any people who do? Do you think women are more likely to have the fear than men? Do you deal with your fears by writing about them? 

I've written on this subject for More magazine and a shorter version of this piece appears in the SLO Nightwriters anthology. 

A Journey to Lincolnshire: Time Traveling in the English Midlands

by Anne R. Allen

The second Camilla novel, SHERWOOD LTD, is something of love-letter to England's East Midlands and the county of Lincolnshire—one of the least touristy spots in the British Isles, but one rich in history and folklore.

It's a place I discovered by happy accident several years ago, when my novel FOOD OF LOVE was accepted by a UK publishing company that had recently moved from the bustling industrial city of Leeds to the little market town of Gainsborough, on the banks of the River Trent, which marks the border between Lincolnshire and Nottinghamshire.

As I wrote last week, my new publishers turned out to be an eccentric band of publishing outlaws who published mostly hard-core erotica—the opposite of my comic mysteries about Camilla, the Manners Doctor. But the company was eager to branch into mainstream fiction and the managing partners invited me to fly over to promote my book and share free digs in a vast 19^th century factory complex they’d just bought. 

Fittingly, the factory had last been used as a ladies underwear factory and was called "The Shadowline Building." (I call it "The Maidenette Building" in my novel.)  Most of my California friends thought I was deeply bonkers, but I've never turned down a chance to travel, so I found a tenant for my little beach house, bought a plane ticket for England and jumped into the adventure.

Yes, there's a real Sherwood Forest.

I'd lived in England many years ago—working in London for eight months after college—but Lincolnshire is the opposite of the big, modern, multi-ethnic capital to the South. It’s the "green and pleasant land" of the storybooks I read in my youth—"the Shire" of Middle Earth. I immediately fell in love with the lush, pastoral landscape, the friendly people, and the history-steeped, time-travel atmosphere. 

There I was, in the land of Robin Hood—the home of "Lincoln Green."

The Major Oak in Sherwood Forest

 I even loved the food. Make all the jokes you want about English cuisine, but they make some of the best cheeses in the world, and in a town full of old-fashioned bakeries, small artisanal butcher shops and a twice-weekly farmer’s market, I ate very well. (Probably too well. Lincolnshire is not the best spot to be watching your weight. Especially when you add the wonderful micro-brewery ale.)

Gainsborough itself has a long and romantic history. It’s the town George Eliot called "St Oggs" when she wrote The Mill on the Floss—and the river that flowed by the warehouse windows was "the Floss" of her iconic novel.

Gainsborough was already ancient by the time George Eliot/Mary Ann Evans sought refuge there. In fact, it was well established by the time a Viking King named Sweyn Forkbeard, having defeated the Saxon king Ethelred the Unready, made it the capital of England in the ninth century.

Sweyn Forkbeard

That lasted about five weeks until he had a fatal fall from his horse and was succeeded by his son King Canute, of stopping-the-tide fame. (Which he also did in Gainsborough, pretending to stop the Trent’s great tidal bore, the Aegir.)   

In my novel, I call the town Swynsby-on-Trent, in honor of Mr. Forkbeard (literally “Sweyn’s home, since "by" was a Viking place-name suffix meaning “home.”)

I ended up living in Gainsborough on and off from 2002-2005, and in the end the publishing company went under rather tragically, with the mysterious disappearance of one of the owners (his body was never found—which of course I had to use in my novel.) But it was a fine adventure while it lasted, and I’ll always cherish the friendships I made there. 

One of the best preserved medieval manor houses in England

I'm not the only person to have fallen in love with Gainsborough in the 'oughties. According to the Guardian, Gainsborough real estate became some of the most expensive in England in 2007. Writing in August of 2008, Tom Dyckhoff said:

"Gainsborough marked the high water mark of house price madness before - cue thunderclap - the Crunch! Oh, happy days! Oh, halcyon days! Last year, Gainsborough's house prices leaped by a frankly barking 156%, the highest in the country. Inexplicable. I mean, it's a perfectly respectable place, with that appealing tinge of not-quite-in the-modern-world common to Lincolnshire. But come on, it's Lincolnshire, miles from anywhere."

And that's its appeal, exactly. It's the town that time forgot. It's in the middle of nowhere. A green and pleasant nowhere. Surrounded by fields of daffodils and forests carpeted in bluebells.

It's the England of storybooks. I was dying to set a novel in Gainsborough, but in order not to hurt any feelings (or incur any lawsuits) I decided to fictionalize the town and set an entirely made-up mystery there, featuring my always-polite amateur sleuth, Camilla.

I wasn’t able to incorporate all my favorite Lincolnshire haunts, however, or the story would have turned into a travelogue. (In fact, my editor made me eliminate several of my more tour-guidey digressions.)

Downtown Gainsborough on market day.

I did include a glimpse of the open market in the central square, where traveling peddlers still display everything from fresh produce to meat pies and ribbons and pots and pans, just as they did in Robin Hood’s day—only a few blocks from the very modern Tesco supermarket.

I also have several scenes set in one of Gainsborough’s picturesque pubs, many of which began as coaching inns in the 17^th and 18^th centuries.

Where Plantagenet meets the ghost of  Richard III

Unfortunately, I had to eliminate a scene set in Gainsborough’s greatest landmark—the "Old Hall"—one of England’s best-preserved medieval manor houses. The beautiful building, built on the ruins of Sweyn Forkbeard’s castle, was a place visited by the likes of Richard III and Henry VIII (who met his last wife, Katherine Parr, there.) It also sheltered the Separatist "Pilgrim Fathers" as they made their escape to the Netherlands and then to the New World on the Mayflower. 

So when I revisited Lincolnshire in Camilla mystery #5 SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM, I took Camilla's best friend Plantagenet to "Swynsby-on-Trent" where he meets what appears to be the ghost of Richard III in the tower of the Old Hall. When Plant is accused of the murder of a mysterious historical re-enactor, unfortunately, Richard III seems to be the only witness.

Someday I'd like to take all my characters to the historic city of Lincoln—only fifteen miles from Gainsborough—which houses one of Europe’s greatest Gothic cathedrals, as well as an 11^th century castle that is the home of one of the original copies of the Magna Carta.

Lincoln Cathedral, build in 1072

Lincoln Cathedral, built in 1072, rivals Chartres in its soaring Gothic magnificence. It is actually taller than Chartres, and was the tallest building in the world for 249 years (1300–1549.) The cathedral was used as a stand-in for Westminster Abbey in the 2005 film of The DaVinci Code.

Across the square from the cathedral is Lincoln Castle, built by William the Conqueror in 1068, and one of the country’s best-preserved castles. William built his castle on the ruins of the fortress originally built by the Roman armies who occupied Britain from 43 AD through the fourth century.

Many houses in the old part of Lincoln are built on top of the old Roman forum. I was lucky enough to be invited to visit a woman whose townhouse had the base of a huge marble column in the basement. Walking up the stairs was like walking through time, from the ancient forum to the medieval kitchen, to an 18^th century dining room to a Victorian parlor and up to a modern couple of bedrooms that looked out on the whole city.

That house screamed to be used in a novel, but I haven't worked it into one of my plots yet. 

Lincoln Castle, built in 1068

I have health problems that make travel tough for me these days, but I've always fantasized going back to Lincolnshire. 

So far, I have only been able to do it in fiction. 

But someday I'd love to get back for a little more of their delectable poacher cheese, plum bread and Lincolnshire’s famous sausages.

And if you'd like to do some armchair traveling, pick up a copy of Sherwood, Ltd or So Much for Buckingham. 

What about you, readers? Have you ever visited the English Midlands? Have you seen Lincoln Cathedral or Sherwood Forest? What is your favorite part of the UK for time-traveling? Or do you prefer to do your travel via armchair? 

SHERWOOD, LTD: Camilla Mystery #2

Suddenly-homeless American manners expert Camilla Randall becomes a 21st century Maid Marian—living rough near the real Sherwood Forest with a band of outlaw English erotica publishers—led by a charming, self-styled Robin Hood who unfortunately may intend to kill her. When Camilla is invited to publish a book of her columns with UK publisher Peter Sherwood, she lands in a gritty criminal world—far from the Merrie Olde England she envisions. The staff are ex-cons and the erotica is kinky. Hungry and penniless, she camps in a Wendy House built from pallets of porn while battling an epic flood, a mendacious American Renfaire wench, and the mysterious killer who may be Peter himself.

Sherwood, Ltd.is only $2.99 or the equivalent in ebook from all the Amazons, iTunes, GooglePlay, Scribd, Inktera, Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords. It's also available in paper from Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Sample Reviews:

"A wily tale of murder, deceit, and intrigue that can stand with the best of them. Her characters are all too real and her dialogue took me from laughter to chills" David Keith on Smashwords

"Smartly written and nearly impossible to put down, I found myself counting the hours until I could leave work and get back to reading! Well done!" T.L. Ingham on Smashwords

"An intriguing and fast paced novel that demands you read on to the next page and beyond. The characters are well constructed and believable and I enjoyed the difference between the USA and UK people. The plight of our heroine is complex and well -managed and in the beginning I was striving for her to find some genuine help and support. The flip over to the UK added more spice! Highly recommended."—David L. Atkinson, author of The 51st State

SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM: Camilla mystery #5

This comic novel—which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare

never wrote—explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls.

It's a laugh-out-loud mashup of romantic comedy, crime fiction, and satire: Dorothy Parker meets Dorothy L. Sayers. Perennially down-and-out socialite Camilla Randall--a.k.a. "The Manners Doctor"--is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but she always solves the mystery in her quirky, but oh-so-polite way.

Usually she has more than a little help from her gay best friend, Plantagenet Smith. In this hilarious episode she makes the mistake of responding to an online review of one of her etiquette guides and sets off a chain of disasters that lands poor Plant in the Swynsby nick, and nearly gets her murdered.  

Sample reviews:

"Delicious wit, wonderful eccentric characters, and a beguiling plot. Camilla Randall is a delight!"...Melodie Campbell, "Canada's Queen of Comedy."

"Both a comedic romance and a crime suspense thriller, it presents the 'Perils of Pauline' adventures of a modern author, Camilla, whose mad-cap follies are hugely entertaining. But the novel has a serious undertone of social comment. Even the craziest of its zanies have their counterparts in the real world and the author faithfully depicts their grim, and often deadly, sub-cultures behind a veneer of knockabout wit. Highly recommended for anyone who enjoys romance, and crime suspense, with a lethally satiric edge." Dr. John Yeoman.

"Anne Allen's ability to weave throughout her stories a current social commentary easily and throughout the story amazes me. She does this without jeopardizing her plot or her characters' development."...blogger Sherrey Meyer

So Much for Buckingham is about $3.99 at all the Amazons,
Kobo, Smashwords, iTunes, Inkterra, Google Play, and Scribd.
(And it's about to come out in paper very soon. I'm proofing galleys now.)