The Manners Doctor Has No Answers

The Manners Doctor doesn't have any answers for you today. She doesn't know if there are any answers anymore. She is unbearably sad about what is happening in the world and to our country. 

So she's turning the blog over to her cat Buckingham this month. He doesn't have any answers either, but he'd like everybody to know he's very fond of salmon. 

Buckingham believes that any world that has salmon in it is intrinsically a good world, and even if right now it feels as if somebody has locked you in the garage by mistake and gone away for the weekend, there will be salmon again. 

Buckingham also has this advice: When in doubt, imitate a meatloaf and hope the bad things will disappear. 

BOOK OF THE MONTH

SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM: Camilla mystery #5

This comic novel—which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare never wrote—explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls.

It's a laugh-out-loud mashup of romantic comedy, crime fiction, and satire: Dorothy Parker meets Dorothy L. Sayers. Perennially down-and-out socialite Camilla Randall--a.k.a. "The Manners Doctor"--is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but she always solves the mystery in her quirky, but oh-so-polite way. Usually with more than a little help from her gay best friend, Plantagenet Smith.

In this hilarious episode she makes the mistake of responding to an online review of one of her etiquette guides and sets off a chain of events that leads to arson, attempted rape and murder. 

Sample reviews:
"Delicious wit, wonderful eccentric characters, and a beguiling plot. Camilla Randall is a delight!"...Melodie Campbell, "Canada's Queen of Comedy."

"Both a comedic romance and a crime suspense thriller, it presents the 'Perils of Pauline' adventures of a modern author, Camilla, whose mad-cap follies are hugely entertaining. But the novel has a serious undertone of social comment. Even the craziest of its zanies have their counterparts in the real world and the author faithfully depicts their grim, and often deadly, sub-cultures behind a veneer of knockabout wit. Highly recommended for anyone who enjoys romance, and crime suspense, with a lethally satiric edge." Dr. John Yeoman.

"Anne Allen's ability to weave throughout her stories a current social commentary easily and throughout the story amazes me. She does this without jeopardizing her plot or her characters' development."...blogger Sherrey Meyer

So Much for Buckingham is available in ebook at all the Amazons,

Kobo, Nook Smashwords, iTunes, Inkterra, Google Play, 24Symbols and Scribd.

And in paperback it is available at

Amazon, Amazon UK , and Barnes and Noble

The Audiobook, narrated by CS Perryess and Anne R. Allen is available from 

Audible and iTunes

Googling Old Boyfriends

I don't have another poison episode this month, because I'm busy finishing up my latest Camilla Randall Mystery (#7) Googling Old Boyfriends. I'm sending it to my editor on Monday. 

It's scheduled to come out in December. Paperback in January. (And there will be a fun staged reading in Morro Bay with actress Mara Purl in February.)

And yes, there will be poisons involved.

~

Here's a taste:

“Okay, ’fess up.” Mickie McCormack startled me as she plunked a copy of Liane Moriarty’s Truly, Madly, Guilty on my counter at the bookshop.

“If you’re that distracted by the Internet you’re either looking at porn or you’re Googling old boyfriends.”

Mickie’s brown eyes twinkled at me from behind Ralph Lauren tortoise shell frames.

I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Um, I’m guilty of the latter, I’m afraid. I’ve just run into an old boyfriend and he’s invited me to dinner, but…”

The bell on the door jingled.

There he was. Captain Maverick Jesus Zukowski of the L.A.P.D. Six foot, three inches of tall, dark, and the-one-who-got-away. 

~

No cover yet. I'm working on some ideas to give to the designer. I'm thinking of something like this:

Of course Buckingham will have to make an appearance.

As long as Oona Foster isn't there. Then he'll hide out until she's gone.

And here's Buckingham on the cover of his own book, which is only 99c right now on Amazon! 

SO MUCH FOR BUCKINGHAM: Camilla mystery #5

This comic novel—which takes its title from the most famous Shakespearean quote that Shakespeare never wrote—explores how easy it is to perpetrate a character assassination whether by a great playwright or a gang of online trolls.

It's a laugh-out-loud mashup of romantic comedy, crime fiction, and satire: Dorothy Parker meets Dorothy L. Sayers. Perennially down-and-out socialite Camilla Randall--a.k.a. "The Manners Doctor"--is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but she always solves the mystery in her quirky, but oh-so-polite way. Usually with more than a little help from her gay best friend, Plantagenet Smith.

In this hilarious episode she makes the mistake of responding to an online review of one of her etiquette guides and sets off a chain of events that leads to arson, attempted rape and murder. 

Sample reviews:
"Delicious wit, wonderful eccentric characters, and a beguiling plot. Camilla Randall is a delight!"...Melodie Campbell, "Canada's Queen of Comedy."

"Both a comedic romance and a crime suspense thriller, it presents the 'Perils of Pauline' adventures of a modern author, Camilla, whose mad-cap follies are hugely entertaining. But the novel has a serious undertone of social comment. Even the craziest of its zanies have their counterparts in the real world and the author faithfully depicts their grim, and often deadly, sub-cultures behind a veneer of knockabout wit. Highly recommended for anyone who enjoys romance, and crime suspense, with a lethally satiric edge." Dr. John Yeoman.

"Anne Allen's ability to weave throughout her stories a current social commentary easily and throughout the story amazes me. She does this without jeopardizing her plot or her characters' development."...blogger Sherrey Meyer

So Much for Buckingham is available in ebook at all the Amazons,

Kobo, Nook Smashwords, iTunes, Inkterra, Google Play, 24Symbols and Scribd.

And in paperback it is available at

Amazon, Amazon UK , and Barnes and Noble

And there's an Audiobook! It's narrated by CS Perryess and Anne R. Allen is available from 

Audible and iTunes

The Queen of Staves: Can Tarot Cards Solve a Mystery?

The new Camilla comedy-mystery, The Queen of Staves goes on a countdown sale!

The sale goes from Saturday, October 21-Thursday, October 22, 2017. The ebook, regularly $4.99, is only 99c in the US and 99P in the UK. It's also available in paper (on nice paper with large print — great for gifts!) for $14.99.

I've always been fascinated by the Tarot and bought my first deck of tarot cards sometime in the late 1990s. The history and the symbolism intrigued me, and I found that working on interpreting the cards gave me a lot of insight — not into the future — but into my own mind. Reading the tarot is a great way to sort through your own feelings about a subject and find a focus and a path of action. 

What prompted me to bring the tarot into my Camilla mystery series was the same incident that prompted me to buy my first tarot deck. 

I was working in a bookstore in Morro Bay when a distraught woman rushed in, demanding "a reading." At first I thought she was an author wanting a public reading/signing of her book. The store was too tiny for that sort of thing, which I tried to explain. But slowly I realized she wanted — in fact, felt she needed — a tarot card reading. There was a New Age bookstore around the corner and she had probably confused us, although she was too upset to believe me. She just kept pounding the desk and demanding her "reading."

The woman obviously had some mental health issues, but the intensity of that woman's need made the incident stick with me. I went to the New Age bookstore the next day and bought some cards and a handbook for learning to read them.

All these years later, now that I've given Camilla her own Morro Bay bookstore, I thought it would be fun to bring in the desperate tarot lady and explore what her needs might have been.

The result is The Queen of Staves. 

I use the older word "Staves" instead of "Wands" as it appears in the Rider Waite Tarot, becauses a "Stave" (Staff) sounds so much sturdier than a "Wand," and the earthy woman who embodies the "Queen" of the title is nothing if not sturdy. 

The cover, by the marvelously talented Keri Knutson of Alchemy Designs, is based on the 1910 Rider Waite Tarot deck, drawn by illustrator Pamela Colman Smith from the instructions of mystic A. E. Waite, and published by William Rider and Sons in London. But instead of a small black cat at the queen's feet, there's a rather large tuxedo cat — Camilla's cat Buckingham. I hope people will enjoy the sly humor of that. 

I always picture Ronzo looking like Jon Bon Jovi

I also hope people find it funny that the person who steps up to read the Tarot cards is none other than Camilla's secret boyfriend Ronzo, the tough-guy Iraq war veteran with the Tony Soprano New Jersey accent. 

I guess I have a special fondness for Ronzo, which is why he's lasted longer than any of Camilla's other boyfriends. In this book he gets to tell his own story, with half the chapters told from his point of view. In a lot of ways it's his story. 

Camilla doesn't really believe his Tarot readings are anything but a con, but his belief in the Tarot is sincere, and in the end, the cards come through for both of them.

Ronzo is seriously down on his luck at the opening of the Queen of Staves. In the last book, So Much for Buckingham, he'd given an unfavorable online review to a band called Leftenant Froggenhall, who set out to destroy his life. 

Buckingham is on the case

Ronzo can only escape the band's gruesome persecution and threats to his loved ones by faking his own death and living as a homeless dumpster-diver.

In this book, he's forced to hide his blossoming relationship with Camilla to keep her safe from the band's vengeful clutches. Not easy when they're together every day, as Ronzo's unexpected tarot-reading skills keep Camilla's failing Morro Bay bookstore afloat.

When a mysterious Irish poet shows up dead on a tarot client's beach, it's up to secret lovers Camilla and Ronzo—and the tarot cards—to find the killer. Hopefully before the homicidal Froggenhalls arrive in Morro Bay... 

Luckily Buckingham the cat is on the case, ready to fight the bad guys, tooth and claw.

And yes, your knowledge of poisons will help you solve the mystery, but I can't tell you any more. Spoilers! 

What about you? Have you ever wondered about the symbolism of the tarot? Grab a copy while it's practically free!